The last almost 21 weeks have been the most difficult for me. I had every intention of bringing home a baby and when I didn't and I had to bury him instead I literally felt like whatever was holding me up threw me straight to the ground.
While everyday life is difficult to say the least I have learned a few things that I will forever be grateful to Eli for. First, love has no limits. We never really got to meet Eli, I knew him of course because he grew inside of me for 36 beautiful weeks but as a person we never got to know him. Even though we will never be blessed to hear his cry, see his smile or just feel him, his love is rooted in the depths of my heart and they can never be taken away.
He also taught me to love while I can. I appreciate every little thing every person does for me. I did before but now its so much more meaningful. Someone dropping by to say "hi" and see how I am fills my cup of joy.
The most important thing he has taught me is that I have to appreciate what I have while I have it. I mourn for him everyday but I'm thankful that I had him. He changed me forever. I have a new found love for Austin that is deeper than it ever was. I appreciate every cry, tantrum, snuggle and kiss he has to give me. Though in some aspects I find that I am unlucky I also find that I am very lucky. I am lucky to have had such an amazing little boy who taught me more in his 36 weeks in my womb and 6 hours as an angel in my arms than I have ever known. I am so lucky to have Austin who continues to bless me everyday with his love and laughter. I love my boys more than life.