Monday, October 25, 2010

Fast approaching

The holiday season is upon us. Trick-or-treat night is this Thursday, which also marks week 18 without Eli. I helped my sister pick out my nephew's costume and it made me so sad because I wanted the boys to be something matchy.

**Right this second I'm sitting on the couch and Austin is in the rocking chair, sitting on the edge with his feet dangling over the side. I'm staring at his toes and noticing how wonderful they are and also sad because I will never again see Eli's toes. One of Austin's favorite things is to have me count his piggies :-(   **

I dreamed about taking them both out trick-or-treating in our double stroller that we bought mere days before we lost Eli. I can picture them in Batman and Robin costumes. Even though Halloween is a 'major holiday' its not the one I'm dreading. Christmas is the one I'm dreading.

We were all set to have another baby to buy for and here we are without. I know that putting on a happy face is what I'm gonna have to do. I can't make Christmas an unhappy day for Austin. I have to pull it together to celebrate with and for him. It also makes me sad because Christmas is also Austin's 2nd birthday and Eli is missing out on that, too.


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