Haven't blogged in a few days. I just feel bogged down. The weather is changing and the leaves are falling and I so badly want to see both my boys out playing in a big pile of them. Hard to believe its been almost 4 months already.Where has that time gone?
The holiday season is fast approaching and I find myself in a deep funk about it. I saw the cutest halloween costumes online the other day and they made me so sad. I kept picturing Austin wearing this big bowl of mac and cheese and Eli being a package of wonder bread, lol. They would've been so adorable together. Now, I can't seem to figure out what Austin will be because I pictured them going as a pair this year :-(
I'm not really concerned about Thanksgiving. Yes, its a major holiday but its not a dress up or get gifts holiday. Christmas on the other hand is going to be the most difficult of all. Not only is it Austin's 2nd birthday but our first without Eli. I should be buying gifts for both my boys this year and instead I'll be buying him a new wreath or set of flowers for his grave. How unfair can life be?
When 2011 rings in I think I'll find some relief. I'll be starting school and counting down the weeks until our rainbow gets here. Bean is due on June 3rd and I'm hoping that he comes at the end of May. I really don't think I could handle having another baby in June, even if it is 2 weeks before Eli's birthday/angelversary. It's just going to be too hard.
BLM's: If you've already experienced major holidays and that first year mark, please tell me how you did it. I just feel like it's going to be impossible the next few months.