One of those days

Today was the first time I've been to visit Eli since learning I was pregnant. In some ways I felt so guilty knowing that I was carrying his sibling while visiting him there and he's only been gone 3.5 mths. I do know that he would want me to be happy, not move on but be in a better place. It still seems so ridiculous to me that he's gone and I won't ever get to see him again. I spent 36 weeks growing and loving him just to give him up and it's not fair. Everytime I look at his picture I draw in my head because I'm so afraid I'm gonna forget what he looks like and I feel terrible for even thinking that. How do you get over feeling like this? I spent months getting a routine together to incorporate him into my life and now I'm learning to cope without him :'(